Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
not ubering you a puppy
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
