Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
