I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
