Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
