yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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