Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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