This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
