1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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