chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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