if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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