He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
