watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
