did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
