It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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