Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
