remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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