Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize