He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i think my cat just said my name.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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