once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
