yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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