actually, I'm a sock model
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
