your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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