Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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