bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
