Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
