I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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