Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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