yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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