do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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