well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
