New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
