get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
