I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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