She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
