How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
