God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
