Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
