You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
