go do what you do best...puke behind churches
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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