This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it's like iHOP with fire
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
