i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
