Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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