She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
