the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I believe in your delicious
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
