i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
FUCK WHALES
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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