Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
