I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
