I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
