he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my shit smells like andre
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
