Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
