you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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