so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
