I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
