A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
