i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
