Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i've created a new STD.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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